The Greatest Game Review Ever - beyond the Wii, PS3 and XBox 360
By David Cassel
At last, it’s been said. Great games have evolved from summer blockbuster movies, and they’re great on all the major gaming consoles. Which left one lonely voice on Amazon asking that last unspoken question.
“Why did Windows users get such a poor game?”
In a hilarious review, Scott C. Smith of Beaverton, Oregon lays a smackdown on game developers who slight gamers without consoles — and, specifically, Activision, for their crummy PC version of Spider-Man 2. (Used versions can now be purchased on Amazon for one cent.)
Scott awarded the game a single star — the lowest possible rating — and created an online masterpiece that’s both a review…and a parable for the entire gaming industry!
Why did Windows users get such a poor game?, July 3, 2004
Reviewer: Scott C. Smith
I’m trying to imagine the meeting at Activision where they discussed the video game for “Spider Man 2″
Marketing guy: “Okay, so the console version is going to be like ‘Spider Man’ meets ‘Grand Theft Auto.’ You can zip around all of New York…”
Other marketing guy: “All of it?”
Marketing guy: “Yes! You can even go to the Statue of Liberty!”
Other marketing guy: “Wow!”
Marketing guy: “There will be missions and a story and then all of the side-missions Spidey can take.”Other marketing guy: “Wow!”
Marketing guy: “It’ll be a great game for the Playstation 2, Game Cube, and X-Box.”
Other marketing guy: “What about Bruce Campbell as the sarcastic tutorial guy?”
Marketing guy: “Yes! Bruce will be there to help Spidey!”
Other marketing guy: “Wow! This game is going to be great! Are we forgetting something?”
Marketing guy: “Uh…no. I don’t think so.”
Other marketing guy: “Oh! I know. What about the PC version?”
Marketing guy: “The what?”
Other marketing guy: “The PC version. You know, it’ll be the same game as the consoles, but since it’s on a PC, it’ll look fantastic!”
Marketing guy: “Er, we didn’t develop a game for the PC.”
Other marketing guy: “What??”
Marketing guy: “Yeah, uh, wow, that’s a pretty big thing to mess up. Hmm. Say, you know what? One of the developers had created his own Spider Man 2 game. It’s a tech demo. It’s not complete. It’s not even the same game.”
Other marketing guy: “That doesn’t sound very good.”
Marketing guy: “Don’t worry about it. We’ll give it some polish and sell it for $20 less.”
Other marketing guy: “Wow, okay, if you say so.”
Yes, the PC version of “Spider Man 2″ is a horrible game. Remember the first PC “Spider Man” game? It was a port of a Playstation game, and you couldn’t see any of New York because it was covered in fog? That game is better than this.
What happened? Who knows? PC users are left with a game that looks worse than the Playstation 2 version. Despite using the usually reliable Unreal engine, the game looks bad, the textures look bad, and for some reason, control has been simplified to use the mouse and keyboard, without all of the web-slinging freedom found in the console version. What a disappointment. Save your money and, for $10 in most cases, you can get the PC version of “Spider Man, The Movie” which plays the same as the console versions but also benefits from the higher-resolution capabilities of the PC.
Scott enjoyed the last laugh, however, as Amazon provided him with the ultimate vindication.
“15 of 17 people found the following review helpful.”
Related:
Stumble It!
Tips N4G
