Video game to movie translations jump the shark with ‘Asteroids’
Movies based on video games have a pretty ragged history. The few good ones are far outweighed in number by the truly awful ones. But as bad as some videogame-to-movie translations have been so far, Hollywood is really taking the biscuit by turning Asteroids into a film. This is jumping the shark and nuking the fridge all rolled into one huge calamity.
There really hasn’t been a truly great movie based on a videogame. Some have been fairly good, such as Tomb Raider with Angelina Jolie, or Silent Hill, or maybe even the first Resident Evil. But most have been absolute pants, such as Doom, Street Fighter: The Movie, and the truly awful Super Mario Bros.
However, at least all of those contenders, be they good or bad, had a plot of sorts, and resembled the games to a certain degree. Which surely cannot be the case with the new movie based on the Asteroids arcade game from 1979. Regardless, according to The Hollywood Reporter, Universal has won the rights to adapt the Atari classic into a movie.
The game, which is now 30-years-old and showing it, had absolutely no plot, no characters, and nothing which would provide the backbone for a movie. So the obvious assumption is that the studio has really only bought the rights to use the name in order to draw retro gaming fans into seeing a poorly conceived space adventure film.
Universal even admits as much by stating that Race to Witch Mountain scribe Matthew Lopez will be creating a plot from scratch. Well I guess he’d have to considering the fact one doesn’t actually exist at this point. Building a movie around a set-in-stone title, in this case Asteroids, is never a good idea, but that’s exactly what’s going to happen.
I’m sick and tired of video games being given a rough ordeal by Hollywood. They’re either treated shoddily by a bad writer or director turning an awesome game in to a by-the-numbers affair which pleases neither fans of unbiased moviegoers, or even worse, the name of a classic video game is used purely in order to take advantage of a built-in audience.
When will Hollywood actually do video games some justice? Uncharted and Bioshock, two of the games being prepped as future movies, are current-gen gems which surely cannot be screwed up. They both have plots in place and a cinematic feel which would seem to be ready made for Hollywood. So I can almost guarantee another two crap movies are on their way.
Related Posts:
8 Responses to “Video game to movie translations jump the shark with ‘Asteroids’”
Leave a Reply:
You must be logged in to post a comment. Don't have an account? Register today!
July 3rd, 2009
A God Of War movie is what we really need.
Uncharted is being made by Sony Pictures isn’t it? If so, that probably means Will Smith is lined up to play Nathan…
July 3rd, 2009
Nah, Nathan Fillion would be a perfect fit for Drake.
July 3rd, 2009
Still waiting for the Ender’s Game movie…
July 3rd, 2009
To harry sachz: you asked me who is Harry Knowles.
*This* is Harry Knowles:
Batman & Robin:
http://www.aintitcool.com/node/1634
ALIEN RESSURECTION:
http://www.aintitcool.com/node/1629
‘You almost get the thought out that something you glimpsed on screen was cool, then instantly without reason that coolness is jerked away and replaced with a hidieous wormy Uma voice. Her voice. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. This voice could scare men out of the trenches in a war. The defense department should study it. The voice would make a straight guy go gay, I heard that after the screening from an anonymous source.’
‘I went up to the counter like a man possessed, they asked me what I wanted, and I looked the order goddess right square in the eye and I said, “I want the BIG FAT DEAL, double the burger with chili and cheese, and I want the FAT FRIES too!!!!” She looked at me like I was a fatboy gone insane, and that’s when my dad stepped in. “I want the BIG FAT DEAL, double the burger with cheese and a fried egg to spare, and Yes, I’ll take the FAT FRIES too!” WOW, leave it to ol Dad to top me in the cholesteral department!!! He had surely ordered the Burger of Death. EGG!!! Wow. Even Joe was stunned, and he ordered just a regular Fat burger and SKINNY fries, what sort of wimp was this? This wussy boy didn’t even order the FAT FRIES. Shameful, pathetic, even Goldfinger got the FAT FRIES. ‘
July 3rd, 2009
To harry sachz: you asked me who is Harry Knowles.
*This* is Harry Knowles:
Batman & Robin:
aintitcool.com/node/1634
ALIEN RESSURECTION:
aintitcool.com/node/1629
‘You almost get the thought out that something you glimpsed on screen was cool, then instantly without reason that coolness is jerked away and replaced with a hidieous wormy Uma voice. Her voice. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. This voice could scare men out of the trenches in a war. The defense department should study it. The voice would make a straight guy go gay, I heard that after the screening from an anonymous source.’
‘I went up to the counter like a man possessed, they asked me what I wanted, and I looked the order goddess right square in the eye and I said, “I want the BIG FAT DEAL, double the burger with chili and cheese, and I want the FAT FRIES too!!!!” She looked at me like I was a fatboy gone insane, and that’s when my dad stepped in. “I want the BIG FAT DEAL, double the burger with cheese and a fried egg to spare, and Yes, I’ll take the FAT FRIES too!” WOW, leave it to ol Dad to top me in the cholesteral department!!! He had surely ordered the Burger of Death. EGG!!! Wow. Even Joe was stunned, and he ordered just a regular Fat burger and SKINNY fries, what sort of wimp was this? This wussy boy didn’t even order the FAT FRIES. Shameful, pathetic, even Goldfinger got the FAT FRIES. ‘
July 4th, 2009
Hitman wasn’t that bad and they’re making a sequel.
July 4th, 2009
Oh wow have you guys gotta see this video about Project Milo it is so Hilarious.
(http://www.joystiq.com/2009/07/03/ign-shows-us-milos-future/#continued)
July 5th, 2009
Why does Madonna talk with an English accent?